Confusing Entertainment with Rest
I often numb myself rather than truly rest or pursue joy
After a long day of context switching, I often find that my brain feels both loud and ineffective. Its an irritating combo. I get neither the peace of a tired mind nor the satisfaction of accomplishing something with all the noise bouncing around in my skull. So I do things that feel “relaxing” but are not restful. This is usually either playing video games or watching TV with my partner. In both cases I sort of feel better. I’m distracted during. Sometimes my mind is even quiet after. But its the wrong kind of quiet. Its a numb kind of silence. An emotional and mental flatness born of being unable to truly feel or engage. A drug induced stupor rather than rest.
I cast it as a totally negative thing. It isn’t always. There are times for myself, and I assume for others, where sitting down and playing games or watching a great show (Ted Lasso) are genuinely positive activities. This depends on the person and their moment. Unfortunately, these things are created by industries that spends billions designing them to grab as much of your attention as they can. So I, maybe we, do too much. We entertain ourselves to the point of numbness. Then rather than being prepared for the next day, we listlessly stumble through it.
So what should I do instead? Actually I hate “should”. I’d like to eradicate it from my mind if possible. Rather, what would it be more helpful for me to do when in need of rest? For me, this question becomes “What do I feel builds momentum and/or peace afterwards?”. Momentum in this case means a state of being where my mind and body are more able to do and to create. The list comes naturally. Dance, write(why do you think I’m here?), speak with someone about that which they care deeply, nap, and sometimes … entertainment.